Relay Column: Sexy Self-Improvement – How Do Men "Meet" Their Own Bodies? On Cute Girls as a Means of Projection (Yuuki Namba)

I once started doing my nails based on someone's recommendation. A cold base coat was painted on my nails, oddly stealing warmth, creating a sense of constriction. It reflected light. As I looked at my shining nails, I felt a flutter in my chest. Glittery nail polish was applied, and after a brief wait, the top coat was added. Once dry, I gazed at my nails. For the first time, I realized, "I do have nails." I came to understand that I possessed nails, that they had this form, and that they were of this size. I became aware that I had never truly known my own nails. The nails coated with artificial materials did not feel like a part of my body. They seemed distant and, in a way, somewhat erotic.

I had been wanting to put highlights in my hair. I made a reservation and dyed part of it gold ash. I was so happy that I took my first selfie. The color looked incredibly cute. From that day on, I developed a habit of using a straightening iron to add shine. Applying oil and stroking my hair in front of the mirror felt so good. I also switched to a new tinted lip product and admired the healthy color of my lips. I bought several rings and tried them on. I encountered my favorite perfume. After a bath, I spritzed myself with a two pumps of a plant-based fragrance that felt fresh. An atmosphere saturated with vitality and a tropical vibe spread around me, accompanying the scent. I felt that my existence was sexy.

I live considering myself a man. I don't recall being strongly pressured by those around me to act manly, nor did I experience any inner pressure to conform to that expectation. However, it has only been quite recently that I started to perceive my body as something sexy. Perhaps there are unspoken rules within the "manly way of being" that I submitted to without realizing it, which discouraged the viewpoint of perceiving my body as something sexy. Of course, within the stereotypical masculinity that praises muscular men as "cool," there exists an attitude that appreciates one's own muscular form as "good-looking." However, what is being appreciated in that context is not "one's own body" but rather the idealized symbol of a "masculine body." This stereotype is functioning here through a mediated perception of oneself.

Yet, I did not live in such a muscular body. The feeling of seeing muscular bodies as manly and beautiful had never infused my sensibility. At the same time, I had not had any moments where I could appreciate my current body as beautiful or sexy. When I did my nails, dyed my hair, applied lip color, wore rings, and sprayed perfume, I judged my body as sexy. In that moment, I felt myself to be an aesthetically significant presence and experienced joy in my own beauty.

From White Map to Beauty

My bare body, without adornments or alterations, appeared to me as a blank map, and I could not perceive its shape, characteristics, or aesthetic qualities. Only after I colored, delineated, dyed, adorned, and perfumed my bare body did I start to notice it. I became aware of its aesthetic qualities. Perhaps many men do not recognize the existence of their own bodies. At least, it took me quite some time to become aware of mine.