Relay Column: Transitioning as a "Fem" – My Struggle with "Fashion" (Kasumi Nakamura)

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PROFILE

Kasumi Nakamura

Part-time lecturer at in the Faculty of Letters and Graduate School of Sociology, Keio University. Master of Sociology. Specializes in the sociology of gender and sexuality. Currently, from a third-wave feminism perspective, she is researching women's work experiences in maid cafes. Additionally, as a lesbian herself, she is involved in creating spaces for "sexual minorities who can't conform to love supremacy." Co-authored books include "私たちの「働く姫、戦う少女」" (Horinouchi Publishing), "ふれる社会学" (Hokuju Shuppan), "「百合映画」完全ガイド" (Seikaisha), and "ガールズ・メディア・スタディーズ" (Hokuju Shuppan).

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Generally speaking, I cannot say that I am particularly "good" at fashion. If anything, I'm rather "bad" at it. However, I have somewhat become able to choose the clothes I want to wear on my own, which is better than when I was younger.

When I was little, I think I had body dysmorphia. What I remember most is not being able to look directly at my face in the mirror after leaving the restroom. I didn't want to face how ugly and unbearable my face was to look at, so I always washed my hands while looking down, avoiding the mirror. I thought, "No clothes would suit me, but since I can't go around naked in social life, I have no choice but to cover myself with fabric."

Furthermore, as a teenager, I felt some gender dysphoria (or so I recognized it at the time). Looking back now, it wasn't a discomfort with my gender identity but rather with the gender expression based on societal norms.

Since I romantically liked women from a young age, I was influenced by society's heterosexual norms and felt that maybe I should take on a male role. This influenced my discomfort with stereotypically "feminine" things—like pink or skirts—and I almost always wore pants in my casual clothing.

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